Some People

       We are all aware that issues between people, especially classmates, always exist no matter how hard we try to deny it. However, I feel that we hardly ever talk about the reason or reasons why these issues suddenly surface out of nowhere. May I ask you one thing? What is the first thing that comes into your mind when you are asked ‘What caused the issue?’ I won’t assume for now because I wrote this note to specifically lay down my own reasons why issues always exist. I have come up with 22 reasons why we can’t avoid issues- In NO particular order.

            1^st- Some people are immature.

            2^nd- Some people are so insensitive with the concern of other people.

            3^rd- Some people are sensitive with the concern of insensitive people.

            4^th- Some people are being taken for granted by others.

            5^th- Some people are spineless.

            6^th- Some people are authoritative in a very insulting way.

            7^th- Some people want it all. (Cliché, but so true!)

            8^th- Some people create issues to make themselves satisfied.

            9^th- Some people are rude.

            10^th- Some people are so full of excuses.

            11^th- Some people are irritating.

            12^th- Some people are sarcastic.

            13^th- Some people do not show their concern.

            14^th- Some people have different ideas which tend to the clashes of their own ideas.

            15^th- Some people think they can do better than the others.

            16^th- Some people make a big fuss almost about everything.

            17^th- Some people do not accept corrections.

            18^th- Some people do not accept mistakes.

            19^th- Some people always blame the person who tries to guide everyone and then give him/her unpleasant remarks.

            20^th- Some people mock other people.

            21^st- Some people just do not accept that there are others who are better than them.

            22^nd- Some people create lies.

           

          Oh, some people! I cannot accept this anymore. What I’m trying to point out with these reasons is that issues exist because of EVERYONE! In one section, some people create lies about another section, and the remaining ‘some people’ in that section hurriedly bite the lies which then turn into an issue! If we want to stop the issue, let’s stop ourseleves first. And please be responsible enough to know your duties, that way, there will be no issues to be solved anymore.

THE L-L Principle...

I was once asked by someone: "What do you prefer? Love or Lust?" I answered: "Love, of course." That someone asked me again in disbelief: "Why Love?". I answered: "Because lust can be deadly. You'll be happy for only a while, but when that last subsides, what will be left for you?" That someone then laughed and said "You are mistaken, love is the one you should be afraid of, because love will make you do things you don't want to do, while lust would make you do things you are dying to do" I frowned: "You lost me there. Love will never make you do things you don't want to do, rather, love will make you think of the possibilities of trying to do those things." That someone laughed again: "You don't get the whole idea, do you?". I nodded. That someone smirked at me. "Alright, let's put it this way..." that someone paused "what situation comes into your mind that involves love and lust?". I replied "Falling in love". That someone frowned and replied "I'm sick of that, why don't we talk about sex?" I was about to reply, but that someone didn't let me. "You see, people make love because they are tempted to do that thing. They make love because they both feel lust inside their bodies." I shook my head and protested: "Of course not! If they are both in love with each other, then there's no way they make love because of lust!" That someone laughed again and then pointed his forefinger at me: "Let me ask you this, have you ever had sexual intercourse with someone?" I replied: "Not yet." That someone smiled at me: "Then believe me, I experienced lot of things. We're not in the middle age, you know, and today, as much as you don't want to accept it, people barely fall in love because of love." It didn't make sense. What is this person trying to imply? That someone continued: "What do you prefer when you look for your partner?" I was caught off guard with that question. I didn't know what to answer. It's as if I might say something that would prove that I'm wrong. "I..." That someone interrupted me: "You don't know what to answer, because you know that I already know what you will say. You see, people nowadays tend to look for perfection. You get aroused my the sexy body of a woman, you get turned off seeing them get fat.Whenever you court someone, it's not because you really love her, it's because you just want her to recognize you, to feel her warm embrace, and to FUCK HER!" At some point, I it was right. I then said: "Maybe you are right, but some people tend to develop their feelings and they just find themselves in love with that girl." That someone laughed again, and I admit I am getting irritated: "That's a silly answer. What I'm trying to imply here is that people never fall in love because they are really in love; they fall in love because..." I didn't want to hear anything from that someone. I ran away and didn't even look back. I want to prove that I'm right. I want to to see someone in love not because of lust, but because of love. I did everything I could to look for someone to fall in love with, but every day that passes by, I slowly succumb to my own weakness, that is, believing lust is more important than love. However, I just felt that having no love inside yourself could destroy your life. Yes! You make love with almost anyone you're interested with but what happens after that? You get satisfied of the pleasure of being one, but after that night, you'll pretend that nothing has ever happened. If you think lust is more important than love, then I guess you haven't experienced real love, yet. Pleasure in bed will be a real pleasure, if you're making love with the one you are in love with. Yes, there's lust, but the most important thing is that there is also love. After having sex that night, you'll still see the face of the most important person in your life the next morning. Unlike when there is no love, you'll wake up alone, feeling nothing but a one night pleasure. You don't really court because you want to fuck that person, but because you want to make her feel how important she really is. I'm now sure of what I will answer the next time I see that same person who asked me of what is really important in life. I saw that person standing in front of me. That someone smiled at me and said: "It's been a long time, how are you?" I smiled and replied: "Just fine, after realizing you are wrong. You see, lust is everywhere, and we can not take that away from all of us. Who are we to not get tempted by those gorgeous bodies of a woman? We all want to feel her embrace and to make her recognize us. I admit, you make love because of lust, but love is the most important thing in this world, because it makes you feel special, and the likes. Love makes you understand the things that lust can never explain whenever that special someone is not beside you and is busy with her work..." That someone asked: "and that is?" I smiled again and replied "Expectation and Jealousy..." That someone tried to reply but I hurriedly interrupted him "If there's no love, then you won't get jealous of seeing her with someone else. If there's no love, then you won't expect her to be there the next morning making breakfast for you and greeting you a good morning kiss after making love with her. If there's no love, then there's no way you'll feel so important and inspired. That someone tried to talk but I've had enough so I hurriedly shattered the glass in front of me. I don't want to see him again, because I'm through talking with him. I know now what I want, and that is... well... love...

Not in the Mood

Damn... I just couldn't think of something interesting to write. I feel so stupid right now and I just can't seem to find the right thing that would make me inspired (not because of romantic relationship). I have been feeling like hell these past few weeks- impatient, uninspired, and moody. Yesterday, I chose to leave Manila so that I can have my sort of week long vacation. I think the things that make me impatient, uninspired, and moody are my daily routine in life- sleep, wake up, use the internet, study, chat, gossip, and the likes, and I guess I need to have some rest. I want silence, seriously, and I'm kind of getting it here in Bataan, because people here are asleep more often than not and I'm liking it because it makes me feel better than those past few weeks. People, especially my classmates, might react here saying that I'm not the type of person who wants silence, but they are absolutely wrong!, because I do want to have silence in my life, it's just that they are the ones who tempt me not to be silent almost every day. I don't know if anyone noticed that I'm becoming nicer than I was before. Well yeah, I think I'm slowly changing everything about me.

After 2009, I promised that I will change, and I think I'm doing great right now. I started eating foods which I don't really like before, specially vegetables. I also started to discipline myself when I'm inside the room- started to talk less. Also, I started to avoid making nasty jokes about my friends, although I sometimes forgot that promise. (evil laugh). And also, I started to become patient, and started to be sweet, and just like what I stated earlier, nice. I don't know what changed me. I just felt that I need to change, because I can see I will never be able to learn new things if I just stay contented with the things I have. I don't even know what I had before Honestly speaking, I don't like myself back then, because I was not confident with myself, and I was also insecure of what I don't have that other people have. But today, I can proudly say that I am now confident with myself and is happy with the people and things that I have now...

I'm liking the silence now, and I just realized that sometimes, silence can make people inspired. Silence can make me write the things I didn't plan to write. I didn't know that silence can make me feels very much alive. Before, I don't want silence because I find silence boring and I thought I can't bear the pain that silence makes me feel, but I was totally wrong. Silence, I shall say, is the only thing that could help you whenever you are in deep trouble. It's because silence can make you think of anything to make everything perfect!

*sigh*

Seriously, I'm not in the mood to write a long note. So I'll just end this note like this.

P.S. Whenever nature calls you, don't you even like it? All you ca hear is the dripping sound of your... *evil laugh*

Family Portrait

I didn't want my first note for this year to be so dramatic, because I don't want to be sad, however, I suddenly felt the need to express my feelings toward something very important to me and to my family. I wrote a note entitled "Why do Married Men" last year because I wanted to express my stand with regard to having an illicit relationship. Many people agreed because we all have the same feelings toward it. I know I've hurt people when I wrote that, because I was too harsh with the words I have written, and I would just like to say sorry again. I don't want to open this topic again because I felt it's too much for me and I can't take any of this bullshit again, but I just said to myself that if I won't voice out my thoughts, then, maybe, I may just kill myself because of the hatred and pain that I have been feeling. Back then, our family seemed to be a perfect family set for a perfect movie. We were so happy, until someone named Nerissa came into our lives and destroyed everything! My Dad introduced us to her as our beloved Tita, and as kids, we don't even care who the hell she really was, all our Dad told us was that she was his gym-mate. Again, we didn't care. We accepted her as if she's really a friend of us. Little did we know that she was already having an illicit relationship with Dad. How did we know? Simply because of just some reasons. Reasons which I can never forget.

1) Daddy suddenly bought a new cellphone which he didn't want us to use. He said he's the only one who can use it.
2) Daddy gave my older brother a new phone ( Smart Subscriber Plan), and when my older brother inquired about the owner of the cellular phone he was using. He first asked if the owner was Danilo Ferrer, but the operator told him that Danilo Ferrer was not the registered owner, but Nerissa. Oh crap! What a friend!
3) I was at school back then when I suddenly realized I forgot my P.E Uniform, so I sent a message to my Dad asking him to bring me my P.E. Uniform, but after a minute or two of waiting, I decided to call him. Somebody answered the phone, but it was not my Dad. I heard a voice of a girl! Damn it!
4) My Mom heard rumors about my Dad dating another woman, and she confronted my Dad.

You see, our family almost broke up because of that woman named Nerissa! There were times that I just woke up hearing my parents yell at each other. I even see my Mom leave their room and preferred to sleep outside our house. There also came a time that my Mom started to grew tired of my Dad that she started packing her things, and told us to come with her. Of course, I didn't think twice, I don't want to live with my Dad! I even saw my older brother crying because my parents were fighting, but I didn't care. I just said to myself, what would will the crying do to us? It can't save my parent's relationship. What's lacking is their love for each other, not some petty cries from us. Many things happened that almost broke our family. My Dad even promised my Mom that he won't be seeing his woman again, and so my Mom believed her, but promises were really meant to be broken. And so, the time came, Year 2003, that my Mom decided to leave. She took us to our Paternal Grandmother's house. I thought they were really going to be separated, but my Auntie's decided to fix their relationship, and they succeeded. Mom accepted my Dad's apology, and promised once again that he will not commit the same mistakes he did back then. This time, he didn't lie.

2003... 2004... 2005... My sister and brother went to Manila to study, and my Mom decided to come with them, so I was left with my Dad for that time. No family problems again. No names of Nerissa again. No womanizing. No yelling. Nothing... We all thought that my Dad changed, but when my older sister returned from Manila, she saw some text messages from some unregistered number saying that "Thanks for the sugar, hon! I love you as always!" Damn, we were hurt once again, but we decided not to tell Mom about this. My sister confronted my Dad, but my Dad had his own story. He said he didn't know that number and the likes! We didn't believe him, we know he's cheating again. My sister left Bicol with a heavy heart, and I was left with my Dad again, with loneliness and betrayal. Time flew so quickly that it was already 2006... Just one more year before I graduate. Everything seemed perfect again, but one night, I just heard my Mom and Dad arguing again. I saw my Mom crying while telling my Dad "Nagtatrabaho ako ng maayos dito... Ang masakit dun, maraming tao ang nagsasabi sa akin at pinatatawanan ako na nambababae daw ang asawa ko!" I almost burst into tears, but I managed to control my feelings. I didn't want to hear and saw my Mom crying, so I just decided to sleep, but I couldn't do so. How could I?

2007... I graduated from high school and went to Manila with my Mom. My Dad was left alone. When I returned from Manila during my sem break, I saw a text message on my Dad's phone. It was on his drafts. It read: "Happy 3rd anniversary! You know I love you even though everyone is against our relationship! I'm looking forward to being with you again!" I knew it! My Dad really didn't change. He was still a womanizer. And by that time, I realized, how could I respect this man who doesn't even respect his family. I lost my respect to my Dad, and I started hating him. I couldn't confront him, because I was too weak for that, and I hate myself for being so stupid! I kept that text message to myself, because I don't want my sister, brother, and Mom to be mad at my Dad. I don't want to have problems again.

2008... 2009... Just last year, when we all returned from Manila for our x-mas break, my sister read a text message with someone named "?" on my Dad's phonebook. It read: Nagseselos ako kapag andyan asawa mo, kailan ba tayo magkikita ulit?" Freak! I almost lost my temper there, but I managed to control it. I took the number and started to text it, but the woman didn't reply. The only mystery here is the identity of that woman. But one thing is for sure... She may or may not be Nerissa, but still, she's my Dad's other woman!

I don't know how to confront my Dad, neither do I know how to tell my Mom about this. My sister and I even kept this to my brother because he was reviewing for his board exam on May. I left a letter, and hid it somewhere, and I hope that my Dad will be able to read that. I wrote all my hatred, pain and suffering there. I even told my Dad I hate him and will never be able to gain my respect again. I hate him for being a womanizer, and I hate him for not valuing his family!