Family Portrait

I didn't want my first note for this year to be so dramatic, because I don't want to be sad, however, I suddenly felt the need to express my feelings toward something very important to me and to my family. I wrote a note entitled "Why do Married Men" last year because I wanted to express my stand with regard to having an illicit relationship. Many people agreed because we all have the same feelings toward it. I know I've hurt people when I wrote that, because I was too harsh with the words I have written, and I would just like to say sorry again. I don't want to open this topic again because I felt it's too much for me and I can't take any of this bullshit again, but I just said to myself that if I won't voice out my thoughts, then, maybe, I may just kill myself because of the hatred and pain that I have been feeling. Back then, our family seemed to be a perfect family set for a perfect movie. We were so happy, until someone named Nerissa came into our lives and destroyed everything! My Dad introduced us to her as our beloved Tita, and as kids, we don't even care who the hell she really was, all our Dad told us was that she was his gym-mate. Again, we didn't care. We accepted her as if she's really a friend of us. Little did we know that she was already having an illicit relationship with Dad. How did we know? Simply because of just some reasons. Reasons which I can never forget.

1) Daddy suddenly bought a new cellphone which he didn't want us to use. He said he's the only one who can use it.
2) Daddy gave my older brother a new phone ( Smart Subscriber Plan), and when my older brother inquired about the owner of the cellular phone he was using. He first asked if the owner was Danilo Ferrer, but the operator told him that Danilo Ferrer was not the registered owner, but Nerissa. Oh crap! What a friend!
3) I was at school back then when I suddenly realized I forgot my P.E Uniform, so I sent a message to my Dad asking him to bring me my P.E. Uniform, but after a minute or two of waiting, I decided to call him. Somebody answered the phone, but it was not my Dad. I heard a voice of a girl! Damn it!
4) My Mom heard rumors about my Dad dating another woman, and she confronted my Dad.

You see, our family almost broke up because of that woman named Nerissa! There were times that I just woke up hearing my parents yell at each other. I even see my Mom leave their room and preferred to sleep outside our house. There also came a time that my Mom started to grew tired of my Dad that she started packing her things, and told us to come with her. Of course, I didn't think twice, I don't want to live with my Dad! I even saw my older brother crying because my parents were fighting, but I didn't care. I just said to myself, what would will the crying do to us? It can't save my parent's relationship. What's lacking is their love for each other, not some petty cries from us. Many things happened that almost broke our family. My Dad even promised my Mom that he won't be seeing his woman again, and so my Mom believed her, but promises were really meant to be broken. And so, the time came, Year 2003, that my Mom decided to leave. She took us to our Paternal Grandmother's house. I thought they were really going to be separated, but my Auntie's decided to fix their relationship, and they succeeded. Mom accepted my Dad's apology, and promised once again that he will not commit the same mistakes he did back then. This time, he didn't lie.

2003... 2004... 2005... My sister and brother went to Manila to study, and my Mom decided to come with them, so I was left with my Dad for that time. No family problems again. No names of Nerissa again. No womanizing. No yelling. Nothing... We all thought that my Dad changed, but when my older sister returned from Manila, she saw some text messages from some unregistered number saying that "Thanks for the sugar, hon! I love you as always!" Damn, we were hurt once again, but we decided not to tell Mom about this. My sister confronted my Dad, but my Dad had his own story. He said he didn't know that number and the likes! We didn't believe him, we know he's cheating again. My sister left Bicol with a heavy heart, and I was left with my Dad again, with loneliness and betrayal. Time flew so quickly that it was already 2006... Just one more year before I graduate. Everything seemed perfect again, but one night, I just heard my Mom and Dad arguing again. I saw my Mom crying while telling my Dad "Nagtatrabaho ako ng maayos dito... Ang masakit dun, maraming tao ang nagsasabi sa akin at pinatatawanan ako na nambababae daw ang asawa ko!" I almost burst into tears, but I managed to control my feelings. I didn't want to hear and saw my Mom crying, so I just decided to sleep, but I couldn't do so. How could I?

2007... I graduated from high school and went to Manila with my Mom. My Dad was left alone. When I returned from Manila during my sem break, I saw a text message on my Dad's phone. It was on his drafts. It read: "Happy 3rd anniversary! You know I love you even though everyone is against our relationship! I'm looking forward to being with you again!" I knew it! My Dad really didn't change. He was still a womanizer. And by that time, I realized, how could I respect this man who doesn't even respect his family. I lost my respect to my Dad, and I started hating him. I couldn't confront him, because I was too weak for that, and I hate myself for being so stupid! I kept that text message to myself, because I don't want my sister, brother, and Mom to be mad at my Dad. I don't want to have problems again.

2008... 2009... Just last year, when we all returned from Manila for our x-mas break, my sister read a text message with someone named "?" on my Dad's phonebook. It read: Nagseselos ako kapag andyan asawa mo, kailan ba tayo magkikita ulit?" Freak! I almost lost my temper there, but I managed to control it. I took the number and started to text it, but the woman didn't reply. The only mystery here is the identity of that woman. But one thing is for sure... She may or may not be Nerissa, but still, she's my Dad's other woman!

I don't know how to confront my Dad, neither do I know how to tell my Mom about this. My sister and I even kept this to my brother because he was reviewing for his board exam on May. I left a letter, and hid it somewhere, and I hope that my Dad will be able to read that. I wrote all my hatred, pain and suffering there. I even told my Dad I hate him and will never be able to gain my respect again. I hate him for being a womanizer, and I hate him for not valuing his family!

Why do Married Men?

Why do married men have to find another women to flirt with? Why can't they just stick with their wives? Do they hunger for more? Do they find their wives sex-life unsatisfying? Or do their stupid mother fucking penis wanted more?

Marriage is a special contract of permanent union between a man and a woman entered into in accordance with law for the establishment of conjugal and family life. It is the foundation of the family and an inviolable social institution whose nature, consequences, and incidents are governed by law xxx

It's understandably clear what this provision means, but I wonder why people do not value this word MARRIAGE. People nowadays don't even care whether one is married or not, all they care about is having sexual intercourse, pleasure, and LUST!

I wonder why married men have to find another women to flirt with. Well, maybe those men find their marriage lives undeniably BORING, but does that mean that they can resort into finding someone that can give them happiness?! I say NO! Whenever I hear stories about problems about family lives, marriage, separation and the likes, I just can't help but to be annoyed of the fact that those men can't just get enough with having one woman, which is basically, their wives!

I HATE MEN HAVING ANOTHER WOMAN, and I HATE THOSE WOMEN HAVING AN ILLICIT RELATIONSHIP WITH THOSE MEN, ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY ALREADY KNOW THAT THOSE MEN ARE ALREADY MARRIED!

Is concubinage committed by the man in providing the woman her own house or apartment but does not live with her though he regularly visits her thereat, at which time they engage in sex?

YES! I SAY YES!

WHAT IS CONCUBINAGE, you may ask, so here goes its definition!

What is concubinage?

Concubinage is committed by any husband who shall keep a mistress in the conjugal dwelling, or, shall have sexual intercourse, under scandalous circumstances, with a woman who is not his wife, or shall cohabit with her in any other place (Article 334 of the Revised Penal Code or RPC).

Fuck those men who commit concubinage, and fuck those women who are their mistresses! TAKE NOTE: I'm only mad at those people who are aware of what they are doing, and the people they are hurting! Why can't those women just stay out of an illicit relationship? Don't they even understand that they are destroying someone's family? Can't they understand the BASIC concept of marriage? Why the hell do they need to be so stupid when it comes to an illicit relationship?

I just can't let go of him, for now...

Well, maybe those women are really so into those men that they can't easily let go of them, but what the hell! Why do they have to put it in public? They are so proud of telling the public that they are happy with someone's husband! Don't they even know that every action has its consequences?

What if I killed or injured my spouse when I caught him/her in the act of committing sexual intercourse with another person?

The law provides that “any legally married person who, having surprised his spouse in the act of committing sexual intercourse with another person, shall kill any of them or both of them in the act or immediately thereafter, or shall inflict upon them any serious physical injury, shall suffer the penalty of destierro” (RPC, Article 247).

It's okay to love someone, as long as they don't hurt anyone, as long as their relationship is not an illicit one, as long as they don't break the law! I'm not the kind of person who's proud to know someone involved in this kind of situation, worse, I dislike them!

Saying Goodbye

I just realized saying goodbye is the hardest part in our lives. Why? It's because I thought I can cope up with all the changes that are happening and will be happening in my life, but I was wrong. I thought I was prepared to see people going away, but I was wrong. My Mommy's brother, together with his family, went away yesterday- Wednesday, November 25, 2009, to migrate in California. Their petition was approved and after a year of processing the papers and the likes, they left. I was smiling when they came here to say their farewell, but deep inside, I was carrying a heavy heart. I don't know, but it's just so hard to see the people you love go away. I know my Uncle is now happy because, finally, he's together with his mother, brothers, and sisters, and I don't have anything against that. I'm also happy for him. However, I just can't help but to feel sad because I was used to having them here. Even though they were in Bataan, I still know that they are just a little trip away that would cost me a hundred or so to reach them, but now that they are there on the other side of the world that would cost me a LONG hour trip and thousands of pesos (which I clearly do not have), I just can't stop myself from being sad. Every time I think about the time they were still here- busy preparing for their papers to process, eating together during breakfast, lunch, and dinner, watching televisions together, sharing laughter and jokes, drinking almost every night, chatting, watching them smoke, eating ice cream together (sometimes), using the laptop to chat with my Aunts and Uncles, convincing our Auntie to give us money so that we can watch the latest movie in the theater, and all the bond we shared- I always get so depressed and lonely. During the last movie we watched, courtesy of Auntie Baby, entitled 2012, I already told myself that I will make that moment the most of it because I know it will take years before I could ever see them again- personally. I'm a little bit sad now, but I know I can manage to be happy because I know they are happy too. I'll just think that they went to California for a long vacation, or maybe I'll just think that I was the one who went here in the Philippines to have a long vacation. It only takes a little concentration, and I know the loneliness will soon subside. Well, I'm looking forward to seeing them soon, and I'm hoping that our petition wouldn't take long enough to be approved so that I can hug them, see them smile, hear their jokes, watch television together, eat breakfast, lunch and dinner together, and to be with them.... again.

I Promise to Pay...

I couldn't get people's logic why they pretend to be rich, when in fact, they are not. I know it is okay to spend some money if you really have some savings, but why do they have to spend it with things that are not important for them. I spend money, but I know for a fact that I spend what I really save. Why do this certain person have to pretend that she is a rich girl? Maybe because she's studying on one of the well-known school here in the Philippines, but I doubt it! Maybe she's just shy to let her friends see that she's not what they really see. My GOD! Why does she need to cry when her father hasn't sent any money yet to cover her tuition expenses that amount to 63,000 pesos? She can just give a promissory note to her school, but she doesn't want to. Maybe she's just shy to let her friends see that she doesn't have any money to enroll. I don't even get her logic. She already knew her father does not have the means to give their allowances and money to spend on time, because his father does not have any stable job in the U.S., yet, she spends so much money for her god damn caprices!

Snow Shit and the Gold Digger Dwarf

REPOST

Snow Shit and the Gold-Digger Dwarf!

Posted at 08:07 AM on June 11, 2009

I am really mad tonight! Snow Shit and that Dwarf really destroyed my day. Why? First of all, they are acting as if our apartment are theirs. Come on, god damn it! Her family are so thick-skinned that even my classmates get so fucking mad at them! Snow Shit acts as if she's the owner of our apartment, when in fact, she's not even paying for its rent. She watches the T.V. everyday from Game Ka na Ba until Precious Hearts Romances and then opens it before May Bukas pa and closes it after SNN, damn! I can't understand why she can't even stand missing any episode of Wowowee, Kambal sa Uma, PHR, May Bukas Pa, Only You, Tayong Dalawa and SNN ( She's a Blabbermouth!). I really fucking hate her! The dwarf acts as if she's rich (damn gold digger!) and even asks her father (my mother's brother) money because she doesn't want her classmates to know that she's just a little poor bitch!

So why am I mad at them? How did they destroy my day? Well, first of all, I don't intend watching Channel 2 all day for Christ's sake! Of course, I wanted to watch HBO, Discovery Channel, Crime Investigation and the likes of it. So I first let that Snow Shit to finish watching Wowowee, her favorite noon time show! Because I know that she will get so depressed if she missed any episode of that fucking show (watch my sarcasm!). So when wowowee was already finished, I decided to change the channel and watched Crime Investigation because that Snow Shit is reading a pocket -full of shit- book. How could she watch Kambal sa Uma and read that pocket book at the same time? Multi tasking? Then damn her! So, I was really enjoying watching Crime Investigation because it tackles the notorious MS13 gang in the United States, and I was really interested listening to the story, when that Snow Shit suddenly said "Kambal sa Uma na", but I didn't mind her. FUCK HER for that! Kambal sa Uma na!- then stop reading that fucking pocket book!

So I was really getting irritated at that time. So much that I wanted to yell at them and say SHUT UP! This is not your apartment God damn it! But good thing I was able to control my anger (in the first place, I am not sure if I can really say that to them). So I think it was already 3:30 this afternoon when her daughter a.k.a dwendita (dwarf) yelled at me- Yves, ilipat mo na nga yan kambal sa uma na! FUCK YOU! You're in no position to yell at me! And wait, why the hell are you ordering me to do such thing? Am I working for you? No, I don't, you stupid bitch! I don't work for anyone! I am really pissed off that time. I wanted to tell her- Why the hell are you yelling at me? Are you the only one who has the right to watch the TV (which was basically ours)? No, you're not the owner of it! I would understand such things if our family is not paying the rent, but HELL NO! We are the one who's paying the rent so we OWN this apartment!

Damn! I am really mad and I was almost at the point of yelling at them so I just decided to let them be. I turned the channel back to Channel 2 and that dwarf asked me "Oh paano sya nakabalik dyan?" and the likes of it. I know she was asking me but I didn't answer her question. I just hurriedly took my food and went upstairs. I sent a text message to my classmates and told them what happened, and based on their ideas, I suddenly realized that I was such a fool to let them watch Channel 2 again, so I decided to take the cable of our internet connection and put it on OUR laptop here upstairs and locked myself in the vacant room and spend my time here alone since 4 p.m. So, I'm letting them get bored without any internet downstairs while I am busy surfing the net, playing poker, chatting with my friends, and doing this blog. This is my revenge for what they did!

But let me tell you this, they are all hypocrites and would really make your anger rise whenever you hear them complain about their caprices in life. (Oh come on, as if they have some credit to spare! They are STUPID, FUCKED OFF! A show off to that kind!) Soon, I will also reveal how irritating they are, and for sure, it will really make you get mad at them! I ASSURE YOU!

Malignant or Benign?

Malignant or Benign?

Posted at 09:03 AM on May 02, 2009

----THIS IS A Re-Post from my site xyzresurgam.tk----

I have an auntie named Elizabeth Ferrer Maesa who has this so-called "Tumor" that's been burdening her these past few months. She's been in and out at St' Luke's Medical Center and had been spending thousands of pesos for her operation. Hopefully, what she spent was all worth it, the tumor has been safely removed from her nose, but there was still some left for it is too painful and she may not take it anymore. The doctors told us that she (my Auntie) has Spindle Cell Tumor but she doesn't have to worry about it, not until the doctors see her biopsy (which really took so long until now). She was glad, of course, and her family, including us, were relieved to know that. But the doctor told us that we must hope that her tumor is not malignant, because if it is, then , my Auntie must undergo chemotherapy to prevent the cancer from spreading.

When we went home, my Mom researced more about the Spindle Cell Tumor and found out that many cases show that the tumor is Malignant... But NO! I won't believe it until I hear what the doctors will say, and I am really hoping for the better. My Auntie is now 57, has two children, and a loving husband. And if her tumor is malignant, it would be a burden to her and would cause her misery. She's afraid to die! Who else is NOT?! right?! We are praying that the tumor is not Malignant because we love her, and we don't want her to suffer. One of my Uncles (father side) died of Leukemia way back in the early 70's, my Grandfather (father side) died in the year 1997. And we can't take seeing another one leave. I know I'm talking way too fast even though we are not sure what the result of her biopsy will be, but I'm just being too emotional upon hearing her case. We are all praying fof her (Father side) and even my mother's relatives are also praying for her.

My message for her is that she must never lose faith in God no matter what happens. I know I'm not a religious person, but I can be one just for the sake of saving another life. We are hoping that the result will show that your tumor is Benign/not Malignant. And we are hoping that you will have a healthy life. Stay happy Aunti!