Sad Movies

"Sad Movies always make me cry..."

This song made an impression to me, not because I had the same experience as what the lyrics tell, but because I have realized that our life is just like any other movies. We are the ones who act as the main character and whatever we do will be the plot of the story. Everyone of us has a different story to tell, some are good, but some are bad. We never know what went wrong if our story didn't turn up the way we expect them to be until we have realized what we did from the very beginning. But we can't do anything about it- we all just say that we must go with the flow to be able to move on. We all know that we can't turn back time nor can we forsee the future... So let me just say this, don't be ashamed of your story no matter how it ended.


Here is one story which I want to share with you. I have a friend who became close to me when I was on my first year in San Beda College. We were really close, and so we had many conversations, some were memories, gossips, jokes, and LOVE STORIES. And there was this one story which really made me curious and so eager to know that I always ask her to spill everything out. And she did...


She told me that she has a bestfriend that's been courting her for months, or maybe a year (I just can remember the exact details), they were childhood friends, and for sure, they already know the likes and dislikes of each other. She told me how thet met, how they became friends, and how their love started. Obviously, their love started as friends that soon grew into a more interesting and mature love for each other. I could say that they are really meant for each other. But destiny really plays its card when you don't expect it. Her bestfriend left for the United States with his family and continued his studies there. They were separated, but the courting never stopped. But if her best friend didn't left the Philippines, then everything will still be okay. Their communication stopped and reached its end. And by the word END means the end of everything... The communication stopped, together with the courting, and they love they both shared. Why is that so? Because her best friend took his final breath, closed his eyes, and never came back again.


My friend, of course, was in shock and in pain upon learning that her best friend already left her and will never be coming back. She will no longer hear his voice, see him smile or cry, hug him, comfort him, and see him together with her having a good time. The happy memories with him suddenly crashed into its final blow and just like any other broken vase, will never be able to put together without its other parts that has been lost together with her best friend. The most painful part for her is that she was not able to tell her best friend that she loved him more than a friend. In fact, she was about to answer her best friend sometime in January 2008, but her best friend died a week before that. How ironic could our life be? Problems always occur when you are already ready to be happy.

"And in the middle of the colored cartoon I started to cry..."

This is the part where she can no longer pretend that she's happy of what happened to her story. Her story ended in a way that no one ever wanted to happen to them. The darkness took a part of her that will be stuck in the place where nothing exist but broken dreams... And yet, in any other circumstances thereof, she will never be able to forget how her tsory ended so BAD... so BAD that it makes her cry... Just by thinking that her LOVE STORY will only become ONCE UPON A TIME...


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Her story is very interesting for me, because I watched how happy she is whenever she talks something about her bestfriend when he was still alive. I know she's strong, and she's already moved on. It has been a year and a half since the incident happened, and she knows that it's already time to move on... But even though her bestfriend is gone, her love for him will never cease...

How Can I Pretend?

"How can I pretend that I don't know what's going on? When every second, every minute, another soul is gone..."

This is the song of Destiny's Child that only made sense to me. I can hardly laugh at this song, because it tells part of my life which I already left, or perhaps, there's still some remaining inside of me that is very hard to let go. Why is that so? Because of connections between the two of you. I always ask myself, how could I ever move on when the people around me wants to make everything right. But I cannot answer that question, because I know it's unfair to blame them, them-not knowing what really caused the change and what the problem really is. I tell myself every second, must I problem the problem I am encountering now? Or must I just let it go? I want to choose the second option, but part of me can't do so. I'm helpless when it comes to this. I lose my concentration and what I have already chosen to do. I can't help but to get mad at myself. I always blame myself and tell "HOW CAN YOU NOT JUST FORGET ABOUT IT! MOVE ON!" And upon telling that, I just smile and say that I am already moving on, I'm just taking precautions so that I won't encounter any problems anymore...

But how could I do so? I'm really prone to problems... I already left many of my friends since I was a kid, and got only few to trust. Some of them- which I don't still know whether it is right to trust them. I know I'm being selfish about my decisions, on blaming the others who really didn't know anything, but I know this is for the better... I don't need to pretend anymore, I lost too many friends, few whom I put my trust to but betrayed me in the end, lost too many innocent ones... And I might still lose some in the future... But no matter what happens from now on, I know I'm prepared for the consequences of my every action. I'm slowly realizing the things I thought I had for 18 years... And I am now ready to accept my destiny together with the people I love - to those who are my TRUE and LOYAL friends... I don't care whether I lost too many, what matters most is that I kept the REAL ones...

Malignant or Benign?

Malignant or Benign?

Posted at 09:03 AM on May 02, 2009

----THIS IS A Re-Post from my site xyzresurgam.tk----

I have an auntie named Elizabeth Ferrer Maesa who has this so-called "Tumor" that's been burdening her these past few months. She's been in and out at St' Luke's Medical Center and had been spending thousands of pesos for her operation. Hopefully, what she spent was all worth it, the tumor has been safely removed from her nose, but there was still some left for it is too painful and she may not take it anymore. The doctors told us that she (my Auntie) has Spindle Cell Tumor but she doesn't have to worry about it, not until the doctors see her biopsy (which really took so long until now). She was glad, of course, and her family, including us, were relieved to know that. But the doctor told us that we must hope that her tumor is not malignant, because if it is, then , my Auntie must undergo chemotherapy to prevent the cancer from spreading.

When we went home, my Mom researced more about the Spindle Cell Tumor and found out that many cases show that the tumor is Malignant... But NO! I won't believe it until I hear what the doctors will say, and I am really hoping for the better. My Auntie is now 57, has two children, and a loving husband. And if her tumor is malignant, it would be a burden to her and would cause her misery. She's afraid to die! Who else is NOT?! right?! We are praying that the tumor is not Malignant because we love her, and we don't want her to suffer. One of my Uncles (father side) died of Leukemia way back in the early 70's, my Grandfather (father side) died in the year 1997. And we can't take seeing another one leave. I know I'm talking way too fast even though we are not sure what the result of her biopsy will be, but I'm just being too emotional upon hearing her case. We are all praying fof her (Father side) and even my mother's relatives are also praying for her.

My message for her is that she must never lose faith in God no matter what happens. I know I'm not a religious person, but I can be one just for the sake of saving another life. We are hoping that the result will show that your tumor is Benign/not Malignant. And we are hoping that you will have a healthy life. Stay happy Aunti!