For you to understand the story, please read first Life is a Glitch up to this part... Some words were vulgar... Please beware.
Who am I? This question really made me think hard. I don’t know why, but maybe because I really don’t know who I am. All I know is that I’m a human being, a person who has lots of dreams, someone who wishes to be happy. A man who wanted to explore the luxury of life, and a man who wanted to have experience on almost everything the world could offer. I am just like all of you, we are just alike, but our perspectives in life make the difference. Maybe I am right, but my idea is not enough to justify my answers to the very difficult question I have faced so far.
Now I know that I have started stepping to the wild side of the world. My innocence has been tortured to death as I come to the part that everything seemed to be so obscure. I don’t know why, but I think my mind had been shocked upon the changes in my life- it was really hard to adopt. Pornography had been the most talked about in the classroom. Trash talks began my passion. Lust became one of my habits, and I enjoyed all if it.
The first time I watched an adult movie was with my nephew, who was 3 months younger than me. We were just talking about the romance we fantasize and our senses started to grow. As the intensity grew much more, we had just discovered that our penis started to erect, and so we had to have our pleasure burst into satisfaction. I remember we had sneaked up into my uncle’s, his step grandfather, closet and snatched some adult movies. We were lucky because nobody’s there. They all had gone out for some fresh air. And so we slowly turned the television, turned on the DVD Player and inserted the DVD on it. I could see the excitement on our faces, and at the same time, the fear of somebody catching us. We then checked the doors and the windows to see if they were all locked up. And when we were really sure, we then played the DVD. We watched for the first time and saw things that kids aren’t supposed to see. We’ve been to paradise and enjoyed every moment of it. But you see, masturbation is not part of my lifestyle back then. Not until we watched that adult movie. When my Mom and I visited our old house, I saw some movies from my Dad’s cabinet, but I wasn’t able to watch it because our player just got hitched. And so, I just remembered the movie that made me fantasize more and more, the movie that made me concentrate harder, and so... I learned to masturbate- my fist masturbation; in our old house’s restroom. Funny, isn’t it? But what can I do? That was my first time. But to tell you the truth, I really did feel pleasure after doing it and it is very intolerable after having to try it.
I’m not that innocent...
Britney’s song really fits me... My family thinks I am so innocent that I will never understand such things in life. But little do they know that I have been doing it most often than not. I started living with it, but hiding it from the people around me.
The best recourse I have was to approach my nephew and tell him that I already tried masturbating, and all he said was that he already had tried it. And I found relief upon knowing that. At least, I’m not alone from our family who tried that, at least there were the two of us. I’m happy with that. 12 years living in this world had been great for me... I learned so many things that helped me grew stronger every other day.
I am strong...
I never knew how strong I was until I have come to like this girl. She was nice and the silent type of girl, I easily fell for her, although she never felt that. Even from the very beginning, I know that I don’t have any chance to court her; I was just taking chances... JUST! Although I was disappointed in the end, I never mourned too long. Like what I’ve said, I am no longer weak in terms of feelings or the likes of it. I’m so sick and tired of rejections from the girls I have just realized do not even deserve a piece of me. It’s not my loss, it’s theirs.
I now know what the world can really be, and it sucks. It will tell you that life is beautiful, but it will show you the opposite of it. How cruel can this world be? - As cruel as no one could ever imagine.
Now, why did I say that the world we are living is so cruel? It’s because it will shock you upon revealing the things that are hard to accept. I need not to outline those things, it up to you to think what those things are. For me, rejections, denials, goodbye’s, being misunderstood by others, seeing adult movies and failure are the things that most likely will shock me...
And I must admit, all those things happened to me and it really shocked the hell out of me. I was not ready to accept all of those things, but the experience I encountered made me strong to accept those, even it kills me deep inside. But even though I didn’t like all of those things, I still manage to think that without those things I encountered, I may not be the person I am today.
The Person I am Today...
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